I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
