...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your penis caused this!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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