A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
