i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
