Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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