Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
