the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
