Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
