i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
