She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
