East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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