Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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