I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
