your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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