Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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