I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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