yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
