i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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