No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
