I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
