my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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