Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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