I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
