I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
