I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
