you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
