you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
