I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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