you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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