WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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