You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize