so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
