I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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