When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
