So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
