All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
