Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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