New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
