I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
