he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
