i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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