If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
