Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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