haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
