He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
