new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
