We're facebook friends in real life
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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