party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
