After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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