He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize