I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
