im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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