i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
