I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
