I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
