My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize