He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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