Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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