how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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