Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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