oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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