Just cropdusted the office
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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