OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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