I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
