There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
