Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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