goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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