Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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