I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
