# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
