we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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