I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he thought i was a dude.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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