so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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