So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
