He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize