all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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