I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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