omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
