Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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