She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
