week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
