Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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