i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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